dear gun control advocate

If I could have a gun control advocate say something to me, I would like to hear something like this:

“I know the vast majority of you, gun owners, are great, law-abiding citizens. You are safe; you practice and preach gun-safety. Thank you for that. Thank you from me, for my kids. Thank you. But the fact is that guns are used to kill a lot of people – some deserving, many not. I know neither of us want to see kids and innocent people shot to shit. I know you don’t support that.  You want to keep your guns locked safely away until use for sport shooting, hunting, or home protection and that’s fine.
 
So before I start yammering away about blanketed gun control measures affecting you more than anybody else – the peak of a very slippery slope here – let’s have a conversation about guns being used as a weapon, to kill people.

Let’s talk about what we can do to stop guns from finding their ways into the hands of criminals, of crazies. Let’s talk about how we can stop that from happening. What can we do to drastically reduce the black market for guns?

And more importantly, what are we doing wrong as a society where so many people are turning to violence in the first place? Why are we resigned to violence as a way of life? Why are we OK with that?

Taking guns out of the hands of those with a propensity to react violently to things that don’t warrant violent reactions is a good thing. You agree. We aren't too stupid to realize that those violent people will find other violent means to lash out and hurt and kill people.

Who are these people that are so violent? And what  are Americans doing wrong?

I know that the gun control debate is so polarizing, I get that. I don’t give a shit whether you are a republican, democrat, libertarian, or turdfriend or whatever, but you are smarter than the cheap emotional pleas the president and mass media have been using to drum up support. You are also smarter than the bullshit peddled by the NRA. But I understand why you may lightheartedly support them – they support your second amendment rights.

Last, hunting is not a sport, if you hunt for sport, fuck you. Thanks for reading.”

I don't know, I think that would be a much better segue into conversation than fatalist mishandling of numbers.

YOU'RE SCUM 4.19.2013

We're back with more YOU'RE SCUM.

First, our thoughts go out to all those affected by the horrible explosions in Texas and Boston. The Boston perpetrators are indeed SCUM, not just today, but always.

That said, there is plenty of subliminal scum just lurking. Let's go ahead and name a few.

David Sirota, you are not just SCUM, but you are a full blown piece of shit.  For racist reasons still unknown, you hope the Boston Marathon bomber is white. What?! Well Scum Sirota, I hope that you and/or your family are victims of the next terrorist attack. With charged garbage barely passable as sentences, you not only identify yourself as a typical liberal talking head, but as SCUM. The only surprise here that you get any points for at all is not blaming the bombing on guns.

Today we have a two-fer, with additional SCUM:

Michael Moore, YOU'RE SCUM. It's no secret though, fatty U BEN SCUM 4 A WYLE. Keeping with the theme of hoping the bomber is white, Michael Moore tweeted, and I have no idea where this came from, that allegedly the Tea Party was behind the bombing. Not seeing the connection.

Maybe you should stick to making horribly biased movies, which even Christopher Hitchens* thinks are shit. Or Maybe don't.

The brand of bias you peddle is easily recognized as garbage, so with that, I guess I'm thankful we're lucky that you aren't smart enough to disguise your agenda as science, ala another deified fraud. Deifraud?

*Christopher Hitchens is an atheist.**

**Christopher Hitchens is an atheist.***

***In case we didn't mention it already, in honor of Mr. Hitchens, we are again mentioning that he is an atheist, per his wishes and writing style.

YOU'RE SCUM 3.19.2013

Mark Kelly, husband of Gabby Giffords, today you are SCUM. And most likely you will remain SCUM for the rest of your life.

This is old news, but after campaigning to ban both assault rifles and high capacity magazines, you get caught personally buying one. Obviously you could be out in the world doing worse things than legally purchasing sick firearms, but after reading your pathetic explanation, my piece-of-shit-detector was a-buzzing quite loudly.

The only reason Diane Feinstein didn't receive the honor of the inaugural YOU'RE SCUM is because she looks like this:





Mark, YOU ARE SCUM.

no remorse

Let's cut to the chase here: I have had recent experiences with FedEx and Asus.

Please go on reading under the correct assumption that these recent experiences have not been positive. At all.

A little background: my computer crashed twice in three months, forcing me to deal with shipping it back to Asus via FedEx, multiple times. And then picking it up, or, in this case, trying to pick it up. Long story short, it's been a real fuckaroo, with severe hassles coming from both companies.

All I want is a laptop that functions normally for about five years. And if we encounter a hiccup, that's fine, but lettuce get it remedied in a smooth fashion.

Just thinking about this episode gets me enraged.

The first time I had to ship the laptop back to Asus, they "fixed" the hard drive by replacing the shitty one with a refurbished shitty one. Obvi shipping back to me requires a signature on delivery because they can't just leave a shitty laptop on my front porch. No biggie, they delivered it while I was at work, I saw the note on the front door, called FedEx and arranged for them to hold it at the local spot while I scooped it after work one night. SAF (smooth as ferk).

Two months later on Martin Luther King Jr day, it crashed again (a conspiracy?). Only this time when I called FedEx to hold the laptop, they didn't. True story, I called ahead and asked them to not try to deliver it again, instead to hold it there for me for the next day. Yep, I went to pick it up and it's like I never even spoke with the dumb slore the day before. The twat at the counter was completely taken aback by me asking if she was serious when she told me the computer wasn't there.

And lol, total side story, both times I went to pick it up, the entrance to the lot was a hill - covered with ice and both times I tried to zoom  up the hill, but I got about halfway up and just slid back down. So I had to park at the bar across the street (full disclosure about the ice and bar across the street: I live in Wisconsin).

It was at that point, when she told me that it wasn't there, that I had the first pangs of that feeling that we are all familiar with: blood boiling, rage festering. That point where we are capable of anything. That split second where it seems completely ration'l to murder the fuck out of anyone and everyone.

That fleeting feeling of no remorse.

It's scary, just losing complete control for a very short time.

Anyway, I don't mean to ramble. Employees of FedEx responsible for that catastrophic fuckup, I'm sorry for hoping that you get raped.

dear dumb bitch

Having just read a bullshit article on facebook, I got pretty pissed, and decided to type a letter. So you can go ahead and read the article, and then my letter.

Dear Dumb Bitch,

First, I'd like to give my condolences for your son passing a couple years back. I am sorry that you, as a parent, lost a child. I am not sorry that you, as a parent, are no longer to blame for your poorly raised son shitting up the place. Fuck if he would have turned out merely half as fucked in the head as his mother (that's you), it would have been a disaster.

Dumb Bitch, you let your son go to college to become an aspiring rapper. Read that again. Your let your son go to college to become an aspiring rapper. Am I missing something? There is nothing college about rapping. There is nothing rap about colleging.

Dumb Bitch, you co-signed on student loans for your son, apparently unaware that a co-borrower is just as responsible for any debt incurred as the main borrower. That's why you had to cosign - homeboy didn't qualify for a loan by himself. But it's cool, the federal loans got forgiven upon his passing. Gone, great for both of you. Well, for you.

Unfortunately, the private loan didn't get forgiven. Here is what happened: you were looking to borrow some money, probably waited till the last minute so you didn't have time to properly shop around for a loan, most likely had some sort of deadline for tuition payment, so when you did somehow manage to qualify, you just snoozed through the closing.

So you totally missed the part where the sales consultant offered you life insurance, disability insurance, or unemployment insurance. You know, that shit that pays back the loan in the event of DEATH, disability, or shitcanning. And the most fucked up part is that all that stuff gets covered right away. So you fucking started the closing on snooze.

Or maybe you heard the consultant going through the insurance products and blew them off, thinking that it can't happen to you. Well that's the reason your were looking at a private loan in the first place - because those things do happen to you.

Lucky for her, local radio DJ slash philanthropist, Mr. Joyner came along and picked up the tab on her debt. It's nice to know that if I were in a similar predicament as the Edwards family, Mr. Joyner may actually help me out. If I weren't white. Minor details though.

Dumb Bitch, I am sorry about your son, truly very sad, but people like you are the reason this country is fucked. The good news is that it is not all for naught. No, your startling lack of personal responsibility and constant looking for ways to skirt accountability do serve a purpose; there has to be a bottom rung, somewhere to start - someone beneath someone.

In order for there to be haves, there must also be have-nots.

Respectfully,

heckyeahman.org

note to self

It is better to be an African American man that orders the murder of countless innocent Muslims than a White Christian woman who goes from irrelevant to relevant via the utterance of a stupid un-PC sentiment.

She's crazy. She doesn't matter anymore. Ann Who? OH MY GOD SHE CALLED SOMEBODY THE R-WORD.

So next time I want to call somebody a retard, I'll instead just go order a bunch of innocent Muslims to get shot with missiles.

Holy shit I hope all of you PC fucks get AIDS. Or get blasted with missiles.

just a quick thought

While browsing facebook last night during and after the presidential debate, it was hard not to be humbled by the many intelligent, well-written, thoughtful, informed, and just all around reasonable status updates that flooded my feed. Ok, that's not true, I didn't catch a single status update that had even an inkling of the qualities mentioned above.

One reason is because 95% of my friends and their updates are hidden. The other reason is because they are politically vacuous.

Anyway.

It was then that something occurred to me. For the first time in my short 37 year existence, we have two (2) presidential candidates who genuinely care about the good of the nation, and would like to see the beaten down middle class rise above.

One candidate doesn't look down on me because I'm poor. The other doesn't look down on me because I'm white. The sun is shining today, friends.

We truly have two candidates with immensely differing versions of our future. In fact, they are fundamentally so many worlds apart, that when viewed from a reasonable distance, they are virtually indistinguishable. An American paradox.

Two gentlemen, at least 25 years older than I, and I couldn't imagine being able to relate to them more. Just two of the most humble guys you'll ever meet, and me, just kickin' back, havin' a couple cold ones on the back porch. Just like old times.

Cherish these times, my friends, and put your differences aside, as I believe the times of political turmoil are behind us.

Revel in the fact that come November, no matter who wins, we all win.